Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Life, Decisions & What-ifs??

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.”

Off late I have been pondering a lot over some of the decisions that I’ve made and ‘what ifs’.. its like a chain of thoughts that gets triggered by anything - a small conversation with the hubby, sight of a group of ladies enjoying by themselves, women dressed up for office in the morning, mothers engrossed in their kids’ activities, friends climbing up the corporate ladder… just about anything.

In my 20s, like most girls my age, I was very career oriented and was quite sure of what I wanted. Life was set with a nice job, good income, lots of friends, fun at weekends etc…and it seemed that this was the life I was about to live for a long time.

Then marriage happened. Nothing much changed immediately after our wedding coz we were in the same city- no job changes, no moving cities... life continued as it was (mostly!)

After about a year, we had to move to US because of husband’s work. It was quite exciting (have written about it here) but that did mean a break in my career about which I had never thought of earlier.

That was probably the turning point in my life vis-à-vis career and that’s where all my “what ifs” start from.

What if I had decided not to move to US and continue my job instead?
What if I had not worked in US?
What if I had pursued my job search and started a full time job on my return to India?

Starting my own venture was a difficult decision mainly because of lack of exposure to this side of the table. But all the experience from working in US definitely helped.

It certainly is a very lonely path… it feels like there is no social life, not many friends to talk to, no time for hangouts, parties etc.

But then all the thoughts fade away as soon as I see my work. Any appreciation/ milestone keeps giving the necessary motivation to hang on.

Like it’s said for every decision you take:

“The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you never know where it might have led.”

“There is always something to lose. But maybe more to gain.”

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The month gone by...January love :)

I love winters. I love January. I love everything that comes with it - the chilly weather, sweaters, lounging in cosy quilts, winter sun, oranges, loads of veggies, flowers... just everything. I don't know why, but thinking of winters brings about a very special feeling... childhood memories of eating oranges sitting in our garden under the sun, watching TV and sipping chai under the cosy quilt... pure nostalgia :)

Also the fact that January is my birth month adds to its charm. It always gave me a special kind of joy knowing that nobody in the family had any other event in January. No birthdays, no anniversaries, nothing except my birthday, and thats what made it all the more special :) (quite kiddish, yes!)

This year I got the best birthday gift... my little niece was born just a few days before my birthday and undoubtedly its the best gift anyone can get. She is such an angel and also a January baby.. that makes me love this month even more. Sooo looking forward to having 'We love January' talks with her when she grows up. (yeah, call me kiddish again!)

How could I forget, my 6 year old also gave me a wonderful present. His school's sports day was on my birthday and in the morning he promised me that he would give me the best birthday gift... and he did keep his promise :) He won a gold medal and it was such a proud moment seeing him stand on the podium and receive the medal. How these little things makes us parents proud!

This month has come to an end and its been such a wonderful January.. Looking forward to the rest of 2017. 

Let them be little…coz they’re only like that for a while!

Kids seem to grow up with the blink of an eye. One day they are cranky li’l monsters and the very next they appear to have matured.
When N was born, how I wished him to be 1… so that my sleepless nights would be gone,
When he was 2, I wished him to be 3… so that he would be diaper free,
At 3 I wished him to be 4… thinking when he’ll start school I’ll work a little more,
Now that he’s 5, it seems he has grown up with the blink of an eye!!
The little monster has suddenly turned to a caring, understanding and sensible little man. He often surprises me with his maturity.
It’s hard to forget some of the conversations we have…
N (looking up from his Lego bag): Mom, why are you worried?
Me (surprised): Not at all!! Why do you ask?
N: But your face looks worried!!!!
That’s when I realized that probably I WAS stressed out with work, managing people in office and home. A little boy who didn’t seem to be bothered by anything other than his toys and friends had noticed the expression on my face and was actually concerned about it.
All small kids have a certain kind of behavior – not wanting to come back from play, no end to TV time, tantrums in the mall etc.
And when you get used to such behavior, the little ones start to mature – They start coming back from play on time, stop asking for ‘one more toy’ in the toy shop, stop running around in the malls etc.
It’s a very normal process of growing up, but the doting mom in me at times feels bad seeing such ‘mature’ behavior. I often sit back and ponder… is my baby growing too fast??
The mother in me always wants him to be my ‘baby’ and the woman in me wants him to be a mature, caring, affectionate little boy. It’s a feeling of pride seeing him grow into such a lovely boy and at the same time there’s a ‘not so good’ feeling seeing him grow too fast. There are no more kisses every minute, no more tight hugs throughout the day, no more ‘ mummy-mummy calls for everything… looks like time is running too fast!!
A while back, I was again lost in such thoughts when my little man cried…mummyyyyyyyyy come soon… I need your help in changing clothes!!
I go and tell him – N, you need mom for everything… when will you grow up???!!! With a smile on my face 🙂

This blog was originally posted here

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Back from hibernation

I see that my last post was on 2014.. been 3 years since I've posted anything here and still this blog is up and running!! Thank you blogger for not kicking out people like us and saving us the effort of creating a new blog whenever we wake up. Thanks a lot!!

Time seems to be running, jumping, flying... a month has already gone by this year, little N has grown up to be a 6 year old boy, work has been growing at a steady pace... life's good !!

Will come back here soon.