Life, Decisions & What-ifs??

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Off late I have been pondering a lot over some of the decisions that I’ve made and ‘what ifs’.. its like a chain of thoughts that gets triggered by anything - a small conversation with the hubby, sight of a group of ladies enjoying by themselves, women dressed up for office in the morning, mothers engrossed in their kids’ activities, friends climbing up the corporate ladder… just about anything.

In my 20s, like most girls my age, I was very career oriented and was quite sure of what I wanted. Life was set with a nice job, good income, lots of friends, fun at weekends etc…and it seemed that this was the life I was about to live for a long time.

Then marriage happened. Nothing much changed immediately after our wedding coz we were in the same city- no job changes, no moving cities... life continued as it was (mostly!)

After about a year, we had to move to US because of husband’s work. It was quite exciting (have written about it here) but that did mean a break in my career about which I had never thought of earlier.

That was probably the turning point in my life vis-à-vis career and that’s where all my “what ifs” start from.

What if I had decided not to move to US and continue my job instead?

What if I had not worked in US?

What if I had pursued my job search and started a full time job on my return to India?

Starting my own venture was a difficult decision mainly because of lack of exposure to this side of the table. But all the experience from working in US definitely helped.

It certainly is a very lonely path… it feels like there is no social life, not many friends to talk to, no time for hangouts, parties etc.

But then all the thoughts fade away as soon as I see my work. Any appreciation/ milestone keeps giving the necessary motivation to hang on.

Like it’s said for every decision you take:

“The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you never know where it might have led.”

“There is always something to lose. But maybe more to gain.”